I don't do the hard stuff...

I learned recently that when you hear your parents drunk fighting, you might decide it is your fault they are mad at each other. Then you become more careful about being around the people who you think are mad at you. Walking on eggshells, tip toeing through glass shards just to make sure you aren't on their radar.

The fact is, sometimes, the people fighting are not thinking about you at all, you become less important as their addiction takes over. The addict in question was capable of working a full time military job, raise 4 girls, and gave us what we needed and we had some fun too. But deep down, the urges, the needs, the wants; they become too much.

I've seen and experienced addiction in a variety of ways. Sitting in a circle smoking the 10th joint. or snorting some speed or cocaine. My sister usually went into another room to shoot up, but I can recall seeing her doing it, and the transformation of V. I watched a boyfriend go from a decent guy to a thief and liar just for speed, commonly known as methamphetamines.

One kid i smoked weed with once, disappeared shortly after our sessions, and the next thing I knew he was in prison for conspiracy to commit murder. He had enjoyed the weed so much he wound up living with 2 lesbians who brought home a guy one night, they rolled him for whatever he had, and started stabbing him, my friend comes through the front door and ends up holding the guy while the girls kill him. He said it wasn't intentional on his part but he had the guy's blood on him.

The father of my boys was so addicted to alcohol and meth. at one point he was driving around in a rolling meth lab, and i believe he developed cancer from exposure to those chemicals. Even after he lost all of us, he kept going until his body couldn't take it and he was found dead somewhere in the War Zone in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He was pretty smart, but used his knowledge to BS people, to scam or take advantage of. He chose addiction over his family, and it hurts to this day. I don't dwell on it, but it's there.

There was a former friend who, in his need to continue his addictions , became something of an enemy. He was known to steal things he saw sitting in peoples driveways or yards. One time, my car was disabled but it had a good battery and license plate. This "friend", who said he thought we were "family" managed to get both to use in his wheeling and dealing. If that were my family I would deny them.

There was the waitress who was in a serious car accident and of course got addicted to opiates and subsequently Heroin. She would fall asleep while taking a customer's order.

My oldest boy was addicted to methamphetamines and allowed it to ruin his life. but he was finally able to kick that habit and leads a sober and happy life with his wonderful son.

My boys have lost so many friends to one kind of death or another almost all of them involving a drug or alcohol. Two brothers died from the same addiction a couple of years apart. One was in my son's wedding.

Honestly, any addiction I ever had did not last long, either money, life, or the desire to live always took over. I love to smoke weed and I plan to as long as I can. Its become much less inviting over the years to do it all day. I prefer to wait until after dinner to get really high. It makes a difference.

The only reason I sneer at the bad druggies because the way I see it, we all have that fight in us. You just have to want to quit. And if you want to continue down the road to self destruction, then I resent you for ruining a perfectly good life. We are not victims, we chose, and we chose and chose and chose.

People talk about the difficulties with quitting Meth. It's easier than anything else, in my not-so-humble opinion. I have seen someone go through with-drawls from Heroin. I've seen someone coming down from alcohol. Even cigarettes create dramatic affects. Meth, you sleep hard, you eat, if you're lucky, you have weed to smoke, You have bitchy days, maybe drink a little to help you sleep more.

Then you wake up one day or evening or early morning, and you're okay. That is your window of opportunity to turn away and never look back. Get away from the white devil.

I honestly believe that the next time you do it, it is a choice, no disease involved.

That is not the case with Heroin or alcohol. Those get such a grip early on that they are harder to give up. I get that and will be forever grateful to V for telling me to not ever use a needle to get high. We have to accept responsibility for our CHOICES. I've babbled on enough. Thank you for reading.